


5 secrets we kept (and 1 we shared)

by heartstarmagick



Category: The Magicians (TV), The Magicians - Lev Grossman
Genre: 5 Times, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Drunk Blow Jobs, Enthusiastic Consent, Friends to Lovers, Gentle Sex, M/M, Platonic Cuddling, Recreational weed use, Slight Top Drop, Smoking, Sub Eliot Waugh, Wholesome Jewish Fun (Mostly), extremely tender, josh's mom also makes an appearance and i would die for her
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-30
Updated: 2020-06-30
Packaged: 2021-03-04 20:06:13
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,769
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25002103
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/heartstarmagick/pseuds/heartstarmagick
Summary: Eliot stays with Josh and his family during the holidays, where sometimes they keep secrets and other times they share them. Eliot gets doted on.--Josh wrapped his arm around Eliot without hesitating, the feeling of being held close like this helping Eliot’s mind and body both settle and calm down. Physical contact had that effect on him. Already he was much closer to asleep.“This feels really good,” Josh smiled against Eliot’s hair.“It does,” Eliot answered quietly, closing his eyes, “sweet dreams, Josh.”
Relationships: Josh Hoberman/Eliot Waugh
Comments: 8
Kudos: 19





	5 secrets we kept (and 1 we shared)

**Author's Note:**

> The inspiration for this comes from the book--Eliot talks at several points about staying at Brakebills over summer/the holidays, but the characters are a little more show-influenced. For the record, if I was El's friend I too would be dragging him to my house for latkes. 
> 
> Anyway, special thanks to the magicians writers discord for beta-ing and listening to me yell about this and thank you to everyone who's been a cheerleader to me and the pairing and Josh Hoberman in general. I love him a lot and he deserves nice things [party man emoji]

#  **( I )**

Josh’s childhood-slash-young-adulthood bedroom has a screenless window that leads to a part of the roof that makes a perfect perch. They’d hung out there before, so Eliot--post-after dinner wine--invited himself to crawl through and settle down on the semi-familiar smoking spot. 

He’s out here because his heart aches, because Josh’s family is just so damn normal and loving and  _ supportive _ and it’s just…

Hard sometimes, to be Eliot Waugh.

He lights a cigarette and sighs, long legs folded in front of him as his eyes move to the stars. A deep breath as he tries (and fails) not to think about how safe he feels here, despite also feeling out of place ( _ amazing _ how those things can coexist.) It’s summer but there’s a late-night chill to the air, and Eliot pulls the grey cardigan sweater he has on a little tighter over his body, taking deep breaths and trying to ground himself in the soft material.

Eliot hears Josh come out of the window to join him but he doesn't tense. Josh closes the window almost-all-the-way and Eliot offers a cigarette after the blond takes his place beside him. “Sorry, I just needed a minute,” Eliot murmurs, taking another drag.

“I figured,” Josh says, his voice soft. “Do you want to talk? Or would you rather not talk?”

“Not talk. About anything important, at least.”

Josh nods in understanding, head tipping back as he looks at the stars, “I used to come out here all the time as a teenager.”

“Has that always been your room?” Eliot nods to the window.

“It was Micah’s for a minute, but I convinced her to switch with me. I think I bought her some Nintendo game or something. She took pity on me.” Josh pauses like he’s unsure, lighting his cigarette and looking to Eliot--who seems to be waiting expectantly. “People weren’t always nice to me in school.”

That makes Eliot snort, “Welcome to the club. Why’d they go after you?”

“Oh the usual small town bullshit,” Josh takes another drag, counting on his fingers, “fat, smart, Jewish. Then I started dealing and suddenly everyone wanted to be my friend.” He shrugs, “It was better than the alternative. Why’d they go after  _ you _ _?_ ”

“Are you  _ joking _ _?_ ”

Josh shrugs, “I guess I thought New York schools would be more progressive or whatever.”

“I wasn’t bullied in New York, I didn’t—”

The truth almost comes off his lips with such ease that it surprises him. After years of keeping it carefully locked away, thrown into a coffin and buried and built over it; Josh and the stars are enough to crawl into the treachery and take it by both hands to dance with in the moonlight.

Josh isn’t waiting for an answer or a clarification. He isn’t even looking at Eliot anymore, giving him an out, letting him decide whether or not it would live with them under the sky or be thrown back into dirt.

Eliot doesn’t owe him anything, which counterintuitively is why he says:

“I grew up in Indiana. New York is where I ran away to.” His cigarette had gone out, and after lighting it he adds a haphazard “ _ don’t tell anyone _ .”

Josh nods and there’s a full but easy moment between them before he speaks again. “School in Indiana sounds rough.”

“Not the brightest parts of my life.”

“I’m glad you got out.” Josh’s voice is barely a whisper, maybe it’s another secret, and Eliot can’t be sure if it’s on purpose but he feels a warm hand carefully wrapping itself against his own. He smiles and squeezes Josh’s hand with barely any pressure, just enough to tell him that he was seen and felt and they were both  _ there _ .

Eliot puts out his cigarette after another long drag, resting his head on Josh’s shoulder and closing his eyes.

  
  


#  **( II )**

The first time he ended up at Josh’s house was an accident. Eliot never meant to let it slip that he was planning on staying at Brakebills over winter vacation.

“Like hell you are.”

Josh’s tone of insistence surprised Eliot, who hummed, “It’s not like I have any other options.”

“Stay with me.”

“That’s sweet, but I couldn’t.”

“Please. I want to and my mother would be pissed if I let one of my friends be alone for Hannu-Christmas.”

Eliot wanted to insist that it  _ really wasn’t that big of a deal _ but truth be told, he wasn’t keen on spending three weeks alone with his thoughts. He’d done it before and…yeah, completely unappealing, and he was fairly certain Josh smoked at home so why not.

So he let himself be led to the modest two floor house, and was surprised to find that Josh’s family not only welcomed him with open arms but totally doted on him. He tried not to think about how long it had been since he was last _loved_ like that (possibly never.) “Make yourself at home,” Josh’s mother— _please call me Miriam, darling!_ —urged but wouldn’t let him lift a finger, sometimes anticipating his needs with startling accuracy: (“Joshy, get Eliot some water, he looks thirsty,” when he _had_ _been_.)

They had a full and busy night in that  _ low-key family gathering _ sort of way. Eliot heard the story of the first Hannukkah and laughed as he and Josh lost dreidel equally miserably (all in good fun, of course.)

“I know it’s the first night, but you  _ are _ the guest of honor,” Miriam said, handing over a prettily wrapped box.

“No fair, I made the latkes,” Josh teased as Eliot opened the present.

“And Eliot peeled most of the potatoes, don’t think I didn’t see you,” Miriam said with a playful lilt, watching as Eliot carefully pulled off the rest of the wrapping paper and opened the box.

Sitting inside was a grey knit cardigan, not something that Eliot would have picked out for himself but his heart stopped all the same. It was one of the softest things he’d ever touched, and on the left breast there was a maroon cursive  _ E _ . “It’s beautiful,” Eliot breathed as he pulled it out of the box.

“Oh it’s nothing, I whipped it up as soon as Josh told me you’d be coming. If it’s too big let me know, I can take it in.”

“You  _ made _ this?” Eliot asked as he put the sweater on. He swallowed the equally, or perhaps even more, incredulous  _ for  _ **_me_ ** _**?** _

“I had a little help. My sister Sharon’s better with details, smaller hands. Oh Eliot, it fits you like a  _ glove _ . So handsome!” She smiled again, ruffling his hair before retreating to the kitchen to get a fresh bottle of after-dinner wine.

“Your mother loves me,” Eliot smirked. They were both in Josh’s room; him sitting on Josh’s bed, and Josh on the air mattress.

“My sister does, too.”

Josh’s sister, Micah, was three years younger and adored Eliot from the moment she laid eyes on him. Eliot was approximately 95% sure that she was going to come out as queer sometime in the next year, and therefore tried diligently to be kind to her without giving off  _ mentor vibes _ because it wasn’t like he knew what the fuck he was doing anyway.

“It’s flattering. Thank you for inviting me.”

“Of course, man. You’re one of my best friends,” Josh answered earnestly. The thing was, he meant it and it made him wonder why none of the others—who, frankly, Eliot was closer to—offered him a place to crash, but Josh supposed that wasn’t really his business. He watched as Eliot silently got under the blankets, “Hey, before we go to bed there’s something I want to show you.”

Eliot raised an eyebrow as Josh opened the window at the end of the bed, crawling out. “Josh, what are you—” When he got closer, it was obvious that the window led to the world’s most perfect place to perch on the roof.

“This is where I smoke.”

Eliot had been wondering.

# 

#  **( III )**

It became something of a tradition, or maybe, Eliot couldn’t stay away from a house with so much warmth in it. He told himself that it was just because he’d rather have home cooking but deep down he knew he was missing  _ more _ . There was, after all, a reason why he wore the gifted sweater on particularly bad days (and whenever he came over, even during the warmer months.)

The house felt like a place he could breathe a little easier. He didn’t dwell on it though.

It was late one night, the sound of spring snow falling like a miracle. Eliot always liked snow. His head was swimming for myriad reasons, and he could tell that Josh couldn’t sleep either. “Hey, um,” he tried in the darkness. Josh made a curious noise and Eliot laughed softly, “There’s enough room here for both of us.” Eliot hated sleeping alone if he could help it. 

“Oh, no no, you’re the guest,” Josh said, but given the amount of time that they spent together Eliot could tell it was half-hearted.

“C’mon, it has to be more comfortable than that. I don’t bite. Unless you ask nicely.”

Josh smiled, snorting and rolling off the air mattress and into the bed beside Eliot. 

Because of Josh’s straightness, Eliot sort of expected him to be awkward about it; to pointedly turn away or leave a foot of room between them (or…as much room as they could in a full sized bed) and found himself sighing in relief when his friend curled against him. They were facing each other, and Eliot thought about  _ asking  _ for what he wanted but didn’t want to sound as hurt as he currently was. Instead he decided to just curl against Josh, wrapping an arm around his waist and hoping for the best. 

Josh wrapped his arm around Eliot without hesitating, the feeling of being held close like this helping Eliot’s mind and body both settle and calm down. Physical contact had that effect on him. Already he was much closer to asleep. 

“This feels really good,” Josh smiled against Eliot’s hair.

“It does,” Eliot answered quietly, closing his eyes, “sweet dreams, Josh.”

#  **( IV )**

They were drunk on Passover wine. Somehow they got themselves upstairs, and somehow through their messy kissing they got themselves into bed. They were used to sleeping beside each other now—they always brought the air mattress up but hardly ever unrolled it anymore. Josh’s family didn’t ask any questions, but neither of them invited conversation about it. Words unspoken.

Eliot, before practically collapsing into the sheets, removed all of his clothes save his underwear, muttering softly about giving Josh a show, to which Josh did not complain. In his haze his clothes came off too, getting into bed beside Eliot. Josh pulled the blankets over them, whispering, “Don’t want us to get cold.”

“I can think of so many ways we can make it hot,” Eliot smiled, letting his body press flush against Josh’s warm, soft form. He felt a bit of hesitance and stroked through Josh’s hair, leaning close to his ear and speaking softly: “Do you want to?” 

Josh sighed, taking a moment because words weren’t his best friend right now. “I’m worried about  _ you _ wanting to.”

“I’m fine, and you didn’t answer my question.”

“I mean, you’re  _ hot _ and in my bed without any clothes on.” The words only made Eliot chuckle low in his chest, his hand moving to carefully stroke over the inside of Josh’s thigh. “Oh, that’s,  _ oh _ …”

Eliot palmed over Josh’s hardness slowly and smiled, “I really—I’ve really wanted this for a long time. I didn’t think that you did though.”

“Are you kidding, how could I  _ not _ want this? You’re my friend and you’re—you didn’t miss when I said you were hot right?”

“I like hearing it,” Eliot smirked.

“You’re hot, and I  _ want _ you,” Josh said softly.

Eliot pressed a kiss to his lips, moving his hand over the front of Josh’s boxers to stroke more firmly. He hummed, kissing along Josh’s jaw and down his neck, “I’ll get motion sickness if I fuck you and…I want you in my mouth more anyway.”

“Not about to argue with that. But please, El, stop if you don’t like it anymore.”

“I can promise that much.” 

Eliot slunk under the blanket, pressing kisses all the way down Josh’s body until he got to what he was searching for. He smirked before carefully pulling down soft fabric and taking out Josh’s hard length, making a soft noise of approval. 

Even in the darkness, Eliot could tell that it was impressive and his mouth practically watered for it. He took it in easily, alcohol killing any bit of gag reflex that was still present within him and he smiled broadly hearing the encouraging moans that Josh was vocalizing.

It didn’t take long for Josh to finish (Eliot appreciated the warning that the blond gave beforehand.) As Josh caught his breath, Eliot slunk up and lay on top of him, kissing him in a way that betrayed tenderness.

It went unexpressed the next morning. Eliot wasn’t sure if it was because Josh had regrets, or because his mother heard  _ Joshy having a nightmare _ .

#  **( V )**

Josh very carefully didn’t say anything to the others when they got back from break. Eliot tried not to be surprised. He supposed that he could have been honest and  _ spilled the tea _ but the notion of outing someone who clearly didn’t want to be outed kept him from giving whatever-it-was between them words.

Eliot didn’t want it to hurt, but that didn’t necessarily stop it. He didn’t want to be angry either but there were still half a dozen nights when he thought about going to Josh’s room, waking him up and asserting that  _ they’re friends _ and he  _ deserves better than to just be something to tuck away when it’s more convenient _ .

And there were half a dozen more nights when he thought about going to Josh’s room, curling up beside him and letting the lull of his breathing put him to sleep.

They exchanged smiles and quips and no one was the wiser. Eliot was always a master at hiding his pain, but what he didn’t know was that Josh was too. He let everything go back to a shade of normal, albeit with Eliot keeping Josh at arm’s length from him.

One night Eliot was in the living room by himself, until he heard Josh come in. “ _ There _ you are.” It had been a particularly bad day and through it, Eliot was trying to make himself scarce. Dread welled in his stomach as he turned to address his friend:

“Here I am.”

“Are we still on for spending the week of the 4th with my parents? Micah has a girlfriend she really wants you to meet. I just wanted to double check because--summer snuck up on us.” 

Eliot smiled, charmed by the sparkle in Josh’s eyes and unable to say no.

#  **( + I )**

They’d crawled in from their place on the rooftop, touches and secrets shared.

And they’re about to ask where they wanted to go from here when Eliot can barely contain himself, closing the gap between them and kissing him hard before Josh can even think about it.

“I want this. Not like last time,” Eliot says softly.

“Hey, last time was really good too.”

Eliot chuckles, looking down before looking back up to Josh’s eyes--always so full of kindness. He wishes that he hadn’t been so stupid and insecure before, that he could have had the nerve to ask for this sooner but he tries not to dwell on it in favor of smiling again, making a soft noise of content. “I want it to be…more deliberate,” Eliot says as he pulls Josh into another kiss. It isn’t easy for him to articulate what he means, and he hopes that Josh can somehow telepathically understand.

Eliot wants it to feel good, not just for a moment but all the way through.

“On the bed?” Josh asks softly. Eliot nods and Josh grins as he pulls Eliot into another kiss, coaxing him on top.

Eliot lets his hands wander through Josh’s hair as they kiss passionately, “Have you ever done this before?” 

Josh shakes his head, catching his breath from their heated kissing, “Not on the bottom, I mean--fuck,” his voice is quiet as Eliot nibbles his neck, trying to get more comfortable. 

It isn’t that Eliot doesn’t want to fuck Josh, he  _ does _ , but there’s something itching in the back of his mind. He thinks perhaps it’s the fact that their clothes are still on, but when Josh helps him get his shirt off the self-consciousness inside him flares and seems to obscure everything even  _ remotely  _ pleasurable in the moment. Normally he could swallow it but there’s something so shrill and nagging about how unworthy he is to be taking this position and all this responsibility on his shoulders. Josh trails his fingers up Eliot’s stomach and chest and he shudders, hyper-aware of how much smaller he is compared to the other. Josh’s body is lush and loved and it makes Eliot feel…sparse, as if he’s something to be admired from afar and not to be  _ indulging _ like this.

Josh pauses to pull back from their kiss looking at him, “What’s wrong, El?”

"I'm sorry, I--would it actually be okay if we switched?"

"Like me on top?"

"Yeah."

Josh carefully flips him over and already Eliot can breathe easier at the feeling of the other laid out on top of him and keeping him close. His heightened levels of relaxation show in not only his face but the rest of his muscles as well. "Does this feel safer?" Josh murmurs to Eliot's ear, kissing his temple chastely.

"So much better. I'm sorry again, taking the lead is just…too much for me sometimes."

"No, no, I'm glad that you stopped doing something that didn't feel good. I want you to feel good, El." He nips at Eliot’s jaw, feeling over his body with one of his hands before moving to kiss him on the neck. “You’re my best friend, and I want you to feel so good.” 

“I want you to feel good too, Josh,” Eliot answers softly, reaching to gently card his fingers through blond locks. 

Josh looks at him with something unreadable in his eyes, kissing him open-mouthed once again which only makes Eliot moan softly. He let his hips rock slowly against Eliot’s, returning to speak softly into his ear, “Do you need some more of this?” 

“I--’m not sure.”

Josh waits a moment for Eliot to elaborate. He doesn’t. Gently, Josh moves a hand to trace over Eliot’s cheek, “Can you give me just a little more than that?” 

“I really don’t want to keep you waiting.” 

“No, you’re number one. Besides I won’t have any fun knowing that you’re not okay. Thank you for being honest with me, I know that’s not easy in a--in a moment like right now.” Josh kisses his cheek, “We have all weekend if you still want to. We can just go to sleep if that’s what you need right now.” 

“Oh I have other needs,” Eliot chuckles softly, hands running down Josh’s back to grip his ass. “My anxiety is just demanding sometimes.” 

“I’ll do everything I can to keep you safe. Just like I know you’d do the same for me.” 

They go slow, kissing and touching each others’ soft skin. Already it feels good, and had Eliot not been so  _ needy  _ underneath silken boxer briefs he may have just stuck with that but the fires inside him were raging for more. 

It only takes them another few moments to get back into the right headspace, Eliot urging Josh to give him more and Josh happily obliging him. 

“More?” Josh asks, fingers playing at Eliot’s hip where the fabric of his underwear met skin. 

“Yes please,” Eliot sighs out, barely even using his voice. 

Josh trails kisses down Eliot’s lithe form, careful hands making their way down to work off both of their sets of underwear. He doesn’t waste a moment before sinking back down to kiss Eliot properly on the lips, and it only then occurs to Eliot that they’re kissing a  _ lot  _ for  _ just friends _ . 

Neither of them dwell on it too much. 

Eliot feels like he’s in a dream as Josh moves to kneel beside him, surprisingly skilled and slick fingers working his entrance.

“You’re really good at this,” Eliot moans, eyes fluttering closed. 

“And you’re a  _ sight  _ like this, El,” Josh says, kissing him again and moaning into the feeling of Eliot’s fingers tangling in his hair as they did. 

Seeing each other like this is exhilarating. Everyone in their group long knew that Eliot put up walls, but the truth was Josh was just as guilty. And usually because of the time spent here, they can see past it but this moment in particular...they’re crashing completely open as they rock closer and then away. 

Josh whispers that he’s just about done, shifting to take his place between Eliot’s long legs. He’d tutted his hand clean in favor of laying appreciative touches (and kisses) on creamy thighs, christening them  _ spectacular _ . Eliot’s entire body flushes as narrow hips were  _ divine _ , his stomach  _ gorgeous _ , and just as Eliot was going to stop him his cock was named  _ luscious  _ and it wasn’t like he could argue. 

There’s another tut and Eliot relaxes into the feeling of pleasantly chilled and slick hardness probing his entrance. He wraps one of his legs around Josh’s waist and that’s all the blond needs. 

Eliot takes a shuddering breath as Josh starts. He’s still careful and doting, taking it slow but not teasing at all--and Eliot can’t remember the last time he felt so adored while he was being fucked. It was more than being told that he was pretty or even  _ such a good boy _ ; it’s the look in Josh’s eyes when their gazes meet, the way his friend’s hands explore his skin, the way his name sounds in Josh’s breath. His eyes are glazed, each thrust giving him another jolt of pleasure. 

“Josh,” Eliot moans out as Josh bites his neck, feeling the beginnings of a love bite (and it hurts but it’s  _ good _ , jaw slackening as Josh’s mouth moves to where neck meets shoulder.) One of Josh’s hands moves to hold Eliot’s, the other continuing to feel over his torso. They move as one, Josh of course taking the lead but Eliot giving back just as much. 

As good as the stolen touches felt all those months ago, for  _ both  _ of them, this is worlds better. Eliot’s hands move up and down Josh’s body in wonder and bliss, the noises coming from him quiet but earnest and matching in tone with Josh’s breathy moans. He’s going slow--or, rather,  _ they’re  _ going slow--and Eliot’s blissed out. He wonders how long the two of them can last but puts the thought away from him, trying to focus on the  _ here  _ and  _ now _ . “You like being told that you’re doing  _ good _ , right?” 

Eliot nods, eyelashes fluttering as he tries to catch his breath, “Y-yeah, especially if--if you tell me how good you feel too.” 

“Oh, El, this is  _ so  _ good.” Josh always had a way with his voice; he was doting when he wanted to be, but it always came from a place of sincerity, and hearing that mid-fuck practically makes Eliot see stars. “You’re doing good--and you feel so good too.” The words are panted out and shaky and Eliot could almost cry because of everything it makes him feel. 

He feels like he’s full of warmth to the point where it wants to spill out of him, and if the glint in Josh’s eyes is any indicator, he’s on the same page (which only makes Eliot feel all the more overfull because-- _ wow, he  _ **_did_ ** _ that _ …) 

Josh kisses him again as Eliot’s nails make their way up his back, digging in just slightly. Eliot shudders as he feels Josh’s hand move between them, wrapping around his hardness and giving a firm stroke. Ever the generous friend, he isn’t too teasing and quickens the pace in his hips to match that of his hand. 

Eliot writhes and moans that he can’t last much longer, spilling over Josh’s hand with a deep moan that the blond echoes. They pant hard into the low light, sweaty and sticky and joyous as they’re wrapped around each other and kissing again. 

Once they catch their breath, Josh kisses Eliot on the cheek before carefully pulling away. Eliot makes no move to get up as Josh wipes his hands on a shirt that was laying on his floor, “Better than last time?” 

“So much,” Eliot sighs out, his eyes barely open. 

Josh picks up a small pipe with sunflowers on it, lighting a hit before carefully handing it over to Eliot, who raises an eyebrow, “Should we not be smoking in the house?” 

“Oh, my parents don’t actually care. I just prefer being outside for it,” Josh explains, sitting on the bed beside Eliot. 

Eliot shifts to sit up before taking a hit, sighing happily. He rests his head against Josh’s arm after passing it back, closing his eyes. 

They’re both practically glowing. 

“Weird timing, but I’m sorry for being such a dick back at school.” 

“When were you a dick?” Josh asks. He offers the pipe but Eliot refuses. 

“Avoiding you once we got back from Passover. I mean I know I wasn’t  _ great  _ at it but...there was a conversation that I was too afraid to have so I never gave you a chance to open it.” 

“Ah, that,” Josh nods, taking one more hit before returning the pipe to his nightstand. “I  _ thought  _ you were being weird, but then I thought--maybe you just wanted it to be a one time thing. It stung but I wasn’t losing sleep over it.” 

Eliot smiles a little bit, more to himself than at Josh, “I was mad at you for...reasons that I think I made up. Not that I could see that then.” 

Josh carefully moves a dark curl of hair out of Eliot’s eyes, “What reasons were those?” 

“I had it in my head that you thought you made a mistake, and that you were ashamed or something. There was a minute where I thought you didn’t want to be friends anymore but luckily that didn’t last long.” 

“Never, El. It’s nice being close to you. And nice having you here. You didn’t seem keen on talking about it so I didn’t want to push it. Sorry for, uh, upsetting you like that. If I had known, I would have tried a lot harder to fix it.” 

Eliot snorts a little bit, “I wasn’t that put off. I mean I  _ was  _ but even when I was upset I still thought about finding you. I was angry but there also wasn’t anywhere else that I wanted to be.”

“I’m touched.” 

There’s a pause, awkward on the edges because it’s tiptoeing up to a conversation that both of them had been trepidatious of from the beginning. Eliot takes a deep breath but Josh speaks first, the herb strengthening his confidence, “I know neither of us are really looking for anything serious right now. But being with you…feels good. Outside of this too.” 

Eliot doesn’t know how to feel, because he wants this  _ badly  _ but can’t possibly ask for it. “I don’t want to force you out of the closet, especially because I...I’m not sure I’d even be a good boyfriend.” 

Josh takes Eliot’s hand, shaking his head, “If you’re up to trying, I’m up to trying too. And like--what other people assumed about me is on them, not either of us.” He shrugs, “We can fix whatever doesn’t work, but in the meantime I have  _ several  _ restaurants I’ve been wanting to take a date to and it helps that you have a good palate.” 

The ease makes Eliot laugh softly, squeezing Josh’s hand. “We can wait until after we get back from break to make an announcement.” 

“I’d like that,” Josh murmurs, pressing a chaste kiss to Eliot’s temple. “Keeping it between us for now will make it feel even better, won’t it?” 

“Oh, Josh, all of it will feel good. I will  _ personally  _ make sure of that.” 


End file.
